Everybody Loves Shiraz

Hottest Chick in the Game? Really?

2011-12-07T11:59:00.001Z

Sorry folks for not posting anything recently. Just been a bit busy that's all.

Take a look at the image below. What'd you think?

Hottest chick in what game? I take it she's been playing the new elder scrolls game called Skyrim. I'd find that easily believable since no chick like that would be playing MW3...or I hope not anyway.

10 years on...

2011-10-22T11:21:00.000Z

‎10 years ago today, everything we ever thought we understood about video games changed. I am talking about Grand Theft Auto III. Sony's Playstation 2 had already been out roughly 1 year prior to the release but no one would have expected that this game was about to bring forth one of the biggest changes in the industry.

I was 13 years old when my mother bought be a PS2 for my birthday. We went into the store and there were a number of bundles available. Problem was that I already had one of the games on the SEGA Dreamcast so there was no point in me having it on another console. My mother addressed the issue to the store manager and asked if we could have another game in its place. It was at that point that I had to decide which game I wanted. My hand reached out for GTA III. I told her "Can we get this?". Clearly, this game was certified 18+ but she didn't care about that and the manager allowed it. As I got home, I set up the console but I didn't have a memory card. I tried GTA III and was amazed at the graphics, gameplay and most important of all, the free roaming aspect.

The next day I went into school and at lunch time, went to play football down the park by my house. I got my school uniform extremely muddy and decided to skip afternoon classes to go home and play on it (I know, skipping school for a game? crazy). Most of my friends then got a PS2 for Christmas, a month after I had mine and with it got GTA III. Everyone was talking about this game. I had one friend who pretty much completed the game at 96% looking for hidden packages etc. I on the other hand, really couldn't be bothered doing that.

The main character was silent. His name was never disclosed but we eventually found out it was Claude. He never spoke at all and did what he was told to do by the likes of Salvatore Leone, Donald Love and Luigi Goterelli (co-owner of the famous Sex Club 7). At the start of the game, Claude was left to die by a woman named Catalina (his ex-girlfriend - proves my point that women are evil creatures) and obviously ends up surviving but gets arrested and is heading to jail. We then see some vans come up and drop a bomb on Callaghan Bridge. The van is on its side and Claude escapes with a guy known as 8-Ball, a demolitions expert who has his own garage. This is where GTA III kicks off. As the story progresses, you gain access to other parts of Liberty City with more side missions one could possibly have thought about at that present time.

Sex Club 7 Ad

One of the things I loved most about this game were the radio stations such as Lips 106 and Chatterbox with Lazlow taking the helm (who later comes back in Vice City). The dialogue was brilliant and so were the songs. Rockstar had done an amazing job and I became a massive fan. I even bought the game Red Dead Revolver, a prequel to a certain extent to Red Dead Redemption.

Below was one was of my favourite songs in the game along with 'She's on Fire' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Gh14mnlC8) and 'Push it to the Limit' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttKRX1Zy7LE&feature=related) which featured in the cult movie Scarface (haven't seen it? You better watch it!)

Here is Chatterbox in full. It is frickin' awesome.

Due to the success of GTA III, Rockstar outdid themselves with GTA: Vice City (which was literally 80's Miami and taking elements from Scarface and Carlito's Way) and San Andreas (that took elements from movies such as Boyz N the Hood and Menace II Society). Dan and along with his brother Sam Houser and their team have done an epic job and continue to do so. In 2004, Vice City was released which didn't help a lot of us since we had out final High School exams to prepare for. Most of my friends ended up not getting grades above C because we were too busy playing. I remember my mother always coming into my room to try and make me revise but I didn't care at that point in time. It is one of the decisions I have made in my life that I regret but I have to move on.

GTA is one of the biggest video gaming franchises to date and I look forward to see what they have in store for the future. As for now, I'm going to go and set up my PS2 and have a blast on GTA III.

French Women

2011-10-04T11:34:00.000Z

So I made a random trip to Paris. I usually stay at 5 star hotels but since I was going with a friend who didn't have much money, I stayed at a hostel which in fact turned out to be great. I ended up meeting people from Mexico, US, Argentina, Canada, and some Brits too.

There is something about foreign women that captivates me. It's probably their accent but I prefer them over the women back at home. There is an element of sophistication and class. I fell for someone who I saw at the Arc of Triumph but didn't have the guts to go over and say "Salut, ça va?" She reminded me of the French news reporter Melissa Theuriau. Same hair, same skin tone and green eyes.If you don't know who she is, here's a vid

France was great. Although the only downside to it is that everything they eat is pretty much full fat yet the women still retain an excellent shape. Not like the UK or the US where women who eat/drink foods with full fat milk etc... tend to be overweight. France is different. I'm sure though that there are some women out there who are fat, they just probably don't go out as often which would explain a lot. Before the trip, my friend told me that he didn't find French women attractive but by the end of the trip, he was desperate to find an unattractive one.No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I had to do some working out whilst there. I decided to do some shadow boxing with bodyweight exercises. Diet was kinda difficult to maintain and I was eating pizzas and drinking pints of full fat milk.

I decided to document my trip by making a video which can be seen below.

The return of Tommy Vercetti

2011-10-01T19:53:00.001Z

Back in 2002, Rockstar games released Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Set in the 80's, a time where pop culture started to flourish and the clubbing scene gained prominance amongst the young. Vercetti serves his time in prison in Liberty City (GTA3) and is sent by Sonny Forelli to Vice City in order to make sure things go smoothly during a drug deal. However, things don't and Tommy loses both the money belonging to Forelli and the drrruuuggs and decides to sort things out himself by finding the person responsible and killing him.

I remember the first time I played it and I have to say I was hooked. The next day in school, we were all talking about it. I completed the game within a week. As soon as school finished, I uncontrollably sat down and switched on my Playstation 2 and spent hours in front of my tv unaware of anything else.

You must be wondering why I'm talking about Vice City. Well it turns out that some team in Russia have developed a GTA IV modification. It is absoloutely brilliant. Although I'm worried that Rockstar will file for infringement of intellectual property rights such as copyright.

For the first time in Vice City, you'll be able to swim. From what I can gather, it'll have missions but I'm not entirely sure whether they will be new or the same missions from the original game. I'm quite excited. I'm glad that this is being developed and is not merely for profit. Rockstar have a tendency to develop more content for games and charge for them i.e. Red Dead Redemption and LA Noire.

One thing I loved about the 80's was the music. For some reason, it makes me want to get up and dance. The 80's had so many hits, it's crazy. Most of the songs were made before I was even born yet I still love listening to them such as Mister Mister with Broken Wings.

Anyway, so what are your throughts about the mod. Would you get it? I don't know how they'll make it available for 360 and PS3 owners. I'm assuming this is only for PC which would suck.

Great Scott! Is this 2015?

2011-09-11T09:02:00.000Z

Nike have just teamed up with the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinsons Research to bring you the famous 2015 MAGs featured in Back to the Future 2. I remember the first time I saw those powerlaced kicks and my reaction went along the lines of "dddaaaaayyyuumm". You can see the clip below if you're not familiar.

The limited editions kicks are available at auction from ebay between the 8th September - 18th September. However, there is a problem. They're only available to individuals living in the US. In the FAQs, it states:

Due to individual country regulations governing the manufacture, distribution and/or sale of products containing batteries and other electronic components (i.e. chargers), sales and shipments for this auction will be available to bidders in the United States

This has annoyed me since I want a pair so badly. Some people will have the intention of keeping them for their collection (like myself) whilst others are merely obtaining them with a view to gain profit and will probably sell at more than twice the price. Sometimes living in the UK has its disadvantages.

A while ago, it was announced that Nike had filed a patent for the tech and that power-laced kicks will be a commercial reality. The kicks will be introduced into the market 'surprisingly' in 2015. The decision to file may have been instigated by the fact that Ms Blake Bevin, an inventor from the US created her own version and a video of the prototype was uploaded to Youtube. She has since then went on to develop version 2.0.

Ms Bevin hopes to mass produce her product however Nike already somewhat dominate the market. It'll be quite difficult for both to co-exist. There can only be one winner and Nike have the power and resources to quash compettitors.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to purchasing the first batch of power-laced Nikes. If you live in the US and want a pair, here's the link to get yourself a pair.I've seen some pairs go for more then $3000. Happy bidding.

So you want a girlfriend?

2011-08-28T20:51:00.006Z

I know a few guys, one of which told me the recently that he "needs a girlfriend". I responded with "why? What's the point?".

In modern day society, if you don't have a girlfriend then you're pretty much a 'loser'. If you've never had a girlfriend then you're a 'freak'. There's something wrong with you which is why many women do not find you attractive. That's not true at all.

It's the pressure of modern society which has driven men to inherently believe that they MUST have a girlfriend and in order to conform to such norm, they go out desperately seeking 'the one'. They think that by having a girlfriend, their lives will have some sort of meaning and everything will be seen with a new light. It's like someone has sprinkled fairy dust all over the place and they'll live happilly ever after. These guys think that by procuring a girlfriend, they will be popular amongst their friends. What a load of crap.

Most of my friends have 'played' women since the age of 14 and continue to do so. They had girlfriends but would often cheat on them. I was never great at talking to girls outside of school. I used to hate going to the cinema as as a teenager because there would be a lot of girls wondering about. I was pretty much a shy kid so I used to get real nervous when they came up and talked to me. Didn't really know what to say to them. I was completely oblivious to any advances made on me back then and I'm pretty much still the same now. I can't tell if a woman is interested in me. Friends have to inform me that a attractive woman is eyeing me when I'm in city centre. When I was younger, I never quite understood why they wanted girlfriends so badly. I was pre-occupied with playing video games, sport and messing around. I had no time for someone else. Wasn't really interested then, I'm not really interested now.

Personally, I don't think I'm good looking. Like I said, I did a lot of sport when younger and I'm pretty much the same now albeit recovering from a knee injury. I'm in the gym all year round and hardly take time off. I'm in excellent physical condition and I have numerous projects underway. Another thing that has stayed with me from my teenager days is that I still don't care how I look. At this moment in time, I've grown a beard and have never really used gel products on my hair. I see no point in wasting my money on such things. Money is my priority. Money is what I want and I want a whole load of it.

I've often observed that certain people can't remain single. They're always in a relationship. It's like they're afraid of being lonely or afraid that they will die of loneliness. They'll eventually break up with that person and find someone else in less than a week or two. Pathetic really.

I read an intresting article by a guy called Rod Cortez. He stated that:

Men who want a girlfriend are coming from a place of weakness, not power. When a man desperately wants a partner it makes him act and behave in a needy and desperate way. Women pick this up even before you approach them. They can see it in your posture, your eyes, the way you move your arms, and other aspects of your body language. Then when you talk they can hear it in your voice and where you place your hands

He also mentions:

Happiness and fulfillment should come from INSIDE first and then having a partner, a girlfriend, or a romantic interest should be the icing on the cake. So if you are one of these men that feels and believes he has to have a girlfriend, that's a big red flag

So do you still want a girlfriend? Think it about it carefully before you decide to commit.

Now that's how you treat a fuckin' bitch

2011-08-26T08:30:00.008Z

As an observer, I have seen some of the most insane things guys tend to do in order to get laid. They'll go out of their way to make a woman happy. Basically, they'll treat them like a princess. These guys are so fixated in trying to pursue a sexual relationship, they haven't considered what thoughts are running through her mind.

The fact is that if you treat her too nicely, she will think you're a walk over. I have seen countless number of men fall prey to this. Once dumped, the guy will end up crying and become depressed. He'll ask himself 'is there is something wrong with me' or 'will I ever find someone just like her' blah blah blah I really don't give a crap. The general advice to give would be to inform him that there are plenty of women out there so don't be tied down to just one. That's nice an all but my advice would would be that you shouldn't really get too attached and don't do any of the things they ask you to do. Women see men as 'projects'. They think they can tame a man and change him to suit their specific needs. Once current needs have been satisfied, as soon as they see someone 'hotter' they'll jump ship.

So how do you treat a woman? You show her that you're runnin' the show. I've found an interesting video. Although it's a joke, it has some element of truth.

Zombie love

2011-08-20T09:55:00.008Z

We're not the only ones who need help finding that special someone. Zombies need lovin' too. They have feelings which need to be expressed. Touching eachothers decomposing flesh. I've found a great match-making site for all you zombies out there. It's called Zombie Harmony. I've even given it a go myself and found someone decent. Although at the end of the date, she did want to gauge my eye out and attempted to bite me several times. I told her that it's our first date and that I'm not that kind of guy. Baby steps darling.

Most relationships don't work out...just like fat people

2011-02-03T14:25:00.003Z

Appologies for the large gap between posts. I've been extremely busy with work but recently something has come to my attention which I feel should be discussed to a certain degree.

I'll admit it now that this post is a little rushed and isn't my best work but that isn't going to bother me that much.

You see, successful relationships consist of shared values and interests. You can't force a person to change. They have to arise naturally.

Now I'm not one to talk about being in a relationship, I'm way to cool for that. It's painful for me to tell you this but you have to be open and honest. Although, these are not sufficient for a great relationship and I'm not going to go through those factors in detail but I'll summarise my findings in a sentence or two. From what I've observed, it's about 'giving' and 'taking' and not just 'give-give'. If the latter applies to you then you need to ditch whoever it is that you're seeing. Simple as pi.

An Example of Self-Ownage!

2009-09-18T18:39:00.006Z

Dick Masterson is a chauvinist. He asserts men and women are different in many ways. For example, when arguing, women tend to ignore the issue at hand and launch into personal attacks instead. The only effective comebacks they generally use are formulaic and often overused. Take for example:

"You have a small dick! I'm going to tell everyone" or "you are a shit lover".

Women are in-fact completely incompetent when it comes to these sorts of things. It's a fact. While I do agree with some of Dick's 'theories' towards women, I do however disagree with some of his more extremist views (thats right!)

Life Lesson

As you can see from the video above, Mr Masterson does raise an intresting point in regards to what type of men women tend to go for and he is absoloutely correct. Women complain about why most men are insensitive and jerks who are just looking to abuse women for sex. They therefore simply state that they are looking for 'Mr. Nice Guy' but deep down, they eventually succumb to their natural programming and...yes...you've guessed it, they end up with the same kind of guy they said they do not want to be with.

When Dick mentions "women line up to date guys like me"...all the ladies in the audience were like "yeh..whateeever" and seemed completely shocked, but this is to cover-up their real emotions. As I have mentioned previously, deep down they are more like "uh-huh" e.g. look at the african-american woman's reaction to that particular statement. Judging from her facial expression, she can't resist a man like Dick. I rest my case!

However, as for the lady in the auidience. Only two words spring to mind, FAIL and Self-Ownage. She dissed her self in order to lessen the impact of Dick's comeback. I wonder if girls have a equivalent word for douchebag. If so...she would be that word.

The Bro Code - Part 2: Now availible in Audio

2009-09-06T12:58:00.003Z

Yes, you've read it correctly! The Bro Code is now availible in audio. No more reading a long list of rules..now you can listen and take notes which will invariably help you memorise them quicker.

Just remember, the Bro Code is greater than any other man-made law. If you break it, you will suffer.

Mail Time

2009-08-27T18:16:00.004Z

I've been getting alot of mail lately saying that I am secretly Oprah Winfrey. So in order to make things clear...Oprah and I arn't the same person. She's fat, I'm built. She's african-american, I am not.

But we do have some similarities. For instance, both of us take extraordinary interest in housewives/women, albeit for different reasons. And both of us are dedicated to bettering lives like the ones below

Dear Professor Shiraz,

I think I'm in love. Every time I'm around this girl, my heart goes a mile a minute. And it's possible that she might have feelings for me too. And the thought of that scares me half to death, because who knows where this could lead? What if this is the real thing? But what if it isn't and she breaks my heart? Is this worth pursuing?

Jack Package, New York

Dear Jack,

It's not worth pursuing. I say forget it. Don't put yourself through the trouble..in a few weeks/months time..you'll probably break up anyway.

----------------------------------------------

Dear Professor S,

Long time reader, first time mailer. I would also like to say that I have been following your blog since 2007. My problem is that recently I nailed this pretty hot girl but now she wants to go out on a second date to an expensive restaurant. The thing is..I've recently been made redundant and have no income and therefore would not be able to afford such a meal. What should I do?

Thanks,

Ruben, Cheshire UK

Dear Ruben,

Have you ever heard of the phrase 'dine and ditch'. From what you've told me..you seem to be a decent guy and well done for getting into bed with her on the first date! You seem to be in a financial problem and thats ok, theres nothing wrong with that.

Just eat the meal and afterwards excuse yourself to go to the mens room...then carefully sneak outside and run on home. It's a win-win situation..you've already nailed her..and now this time, she'll pay for your nicely deserved meal.

The Douchebag Phenomenon

2009-08-26T08:57:00.015Z

I'm sure you've all heard of the american term 'douchebag' which has been popularised by movies and tv shows.

But if you're unsure what the term actually means or have never come accross it before then read on.

Urban Dictionary defines douchebag as

Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

A further definition can be read below.

The term "douchebag" generally refers to a male with any number of characteristics not associated with one particular region or age demographic. Douchebag is a combination of attitude qualities, social ability, and attire.

In terms of geography, douchebags can be found nearly anywhere. For instance, douchebags can be seen in US wearing fake diamond earrings, frosted spiked hair, Razor phones, unbuttoned collared shirts, Fossil watches, overly groomed chinstraps, backwards colored Yankee hats with the sticker still attached and 2002 Mustangs are considered "tight." At the same time douchebags are also plentiful in the United Kingdom where on any given Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday night you can find males wearing pink collared shirts, while donning the following attire: pukka-shelled necklaces, fake skater shoes, have some variation of an Asian symbol tattoo on their shoulder or back, wear a Hurley hat that sits cockeyed on their head, throw various fake gang signs during pictures and drive their dad's old white 1997 convertible M3 BMW. They also generally find the length of time one drinks while doing a "keg-stand" directly correlates with the amount of pussy one can get.

As mentioned previously, douchebags transcend not only various geographical locations, but age demographics as well. For instance, douchebags are quite often seen in Manchester as evidenced by 40 year old man who still wears Oakley's, shave his chest, wears shirts that read "ride" on the front and "me" on the back, and thinks its cool to wear white K-Swiss'. They are usually on first name basis with the girls at local clubs and think white T-shirt contests with 1/2 half-off Margaritas are better than any given sports game with cheap alcohol. At the same time, we can see young 21 year old douchebags in West L.A. who still think that Dolce & Gabbana belt buckles, and fo-hawks are the "pimp shit".

In terms of behavior douchebags have an over-inflated sense of self worth, lack the social ability to interact with non-douchebags, and have tricked their minds into thinking that they "get mad pussy." The irony is that they very rarely get pussy, but amazingly have the amazing propensity to talk quite often about allegedly getting it.

One of the things we hate the most at E.L.S. is...yeh you've guessed it..douchebags. As you've read above, this behaviour isn't just found in white males. If you have read our previous posts, you'll be well aware that we do not encourage this type of behaviour. Women like different types of guys...tall ones, skinny ones, fat ones, and short ones. Just remember to be yourself. DO NOT act like someone else...a chick will be able to find out quicker than you think.

If you need to sort yourself out in terms of appearance, go for something simple that is fashionably accepted in the modern day. I myself do not apply any hair gell and always have short hair combed to the side (that is when I can be bothered..otherwise I'm pretty much like a tramp most of the time..I simply do not care how I look..it just doesan't bother me the way it bothers others - right now i have lengthy stubble because when i shave I have a 'babyface'). Another thing that is important is that you should keep yourself fit and healthy. Women when looking for a possible mate, want a healthy spouse..it's part of the natural selection theory. Go to the gym..do some cardio everyday and lift weights 3/4 times a week in order to give you more energy throughout the day and feel better about yourself..you'll soon notice that with your new toned body...you will start to get looks (BECAUSE you now have a level of confidence that you never had before).

Here is a collection of images to help you visualize a douchebag.

I agree with the statement. This does happen too often and all I have to say is..have all the women in the world gone mad?!?

One individual however does stand out within this group. His name is Scott Alexander. One thing we must say is that we at E.L.S. admire his entrepreneurial skills...he has made millions and continues to make millions. Like any self-made millionaire, he identified a gap in a certain market and has financially risen from a broke homeless graduate to a dude with penthouses, properties, and cars a normal man dreams of...but the problem is..he's still a douchebag!

On The Topic of Approaching Women - Tip One: Use Humour

2009-08-25T18:02:00.001Z

Use humour to get you started - or even give you a head-start.

Let's talk about using humour for a minute. Not only do most women LOVE a guy who can make them laugh; laughing shifts a woman's physiology and mental focus, interrupting her thought patterns and creating a temporary blank, which YOU can then fill in. Just think about it a second. Have you ever been in a rotten mood, and then a friend suddenly makes you laugh? What happens? You start feeling a hell of a lot better, don't you?

What the team at EveryBodyLovesShiraz suggests as an almost perfect approach is using a humorous comment to get her to laugh, then all you have to do is to follow up with anything to keep the conversation flowing towards a possibly pattern-like talk, eliciting values or any other technique described in this guide you have chosen to use.

You can also use humour in what we call 'speed seduction'. The success rate of speed seduction depends on how funny of a guy you really are.

1. Laughter sets a woman at ease and puts her off guard.
2. Getting her laughing shows that you are confident and don't take the process of meeting her too seriously, unlike a desperate hard-up loser HAS to succeed, YOU are a fun guy, enjoying your exciting life and creating an opportunity for HER to step into it and have some fun too?IF she plays her cards right.
3. Humor is a way to test to see if SHE has a personality. If she is a mean, unhappy be-yatch, why bother?
4. MOST IMPORTANTLY, LAUGHTER GIVES YOU A BEHAVIORAL RESPONSE from her that you can mention, incorporate, and future pace into HER IMAGINING CONTINUING TO HAVE FUN WITH YOU LATER!

Now using what you've learnt here, you have to now apply that to 3 main stages. It's like when you first start planning and writing stories in primary/elementary school

BEGINNING - preparation ... clothing, props, initiate an entertaining and interactive conversation (that is what an OPENER is all about).

MIDDLE - using entertaining stories and routines, you convey the humour, confidence and the other typical attractive traits, use negative remarks to make them chase you, test them (stop conversation to see if they reinitiate it) and look for the indicators to see if closing is worth doing (like position and body language, laughter, etc), usually 3 positive indicators.

END - close or eject based on the indicators. Closing will stall when you don't realise that you will succeed with the close if you have witnessed 3 positive indicators. Now it's time for you to decide if you should finish...try to kiss her goodbye on the LIPS even if you have little time left, always KISS CLOSE!!!

Music Can Help Increase Your Pulling Ability!

2009-08-24T08:26:00.009Z

Music helps one get into the 'zone'. By that statement I mean, listening to certain songs causes some psychological effects in an individual. Numerous studies have been conducted on the subject, one especially by Saarikallio and Erkkila (2007).

The aim of this study was the exploration and theoretical clarification of the role of music in adolescents' mood regulation. The phenomenon was approached through an inductive theory construction. The data were gathered from eight adolescents by means of group interviews and follow-up forms, and were then analysed using constructive grounded theory methods. The analysis resulted in a theoretical model, which describes mood regulation by music as a process of satisfying personal mood-related goals through various musical activities. The general nature of the mood regulation is described, the goals and strategies of mood regulation are examined, and finally the specific role of music in mood regulation is discussed.

One thing they found from the study was that listening to certain types of music caused your mood to change (wow as if we didn't already know that, listening to upbeat songs makes us all want to dance - it's common sense!). But basically your mind tries to synchronise with the emotion the song is trying to convey.

If that is the case, how about we play some songs that'll get you in the mood to attract ladies. I know that alot of people play certain songs before they go out in order to get laid..it's a ritual..some even talk to themselves in front of a mirror after getting ready saying "you the man! you're gonna have all the hot chicks fall for you. LETS ROCK!"...Yeh, I know what you're thinking..but it is true...although none of us at EverybodyLovesShiraz do that..seriously..we don't

Anyway,

Here are some songs we recommend you listen to from a playlist on our IPOD Touch

Our IPOD touch Music playlist will be uploaded once every two weeks.

Stay tuned!

The BRO Code - Part 1

2009-08-22T06:59:00.009Z

The Bro Code are a set of rules meant to be a guideline to live by between Bro's. The rules began as unwritten rules to follow but because of the Pussification of America (and the United Kingdom), they haven't been followed properly. Therefore it was ordered that these absolute rules needed to be spelled out in bold print.

Such rules of the Bro Code are:

I. Bros before hoes. I cannot stress this enough. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.

So hold on, Why am I writing about the Bro Code?!? Simple...because I was with two hot chicks (Melissa and Lilly) at a party on thursday night. After 30 mins of fondling and playing...the girls asked me to dance. One of my friends however interrupted us and they left.
Now this is where we are able to observe a contradiction in my earlier paragraph. "Bro's before Hoes" - yes..that is correct..I would gladly dump a girl for my fellow comrades..but what if a Bro cock blocked you...or ruined your chances with those two goddesses for no reason?..that is wrong and that is why I am hurt and saddened and I may never trust that friend to be a wingman.

Anyway, I shall continue listing some of the rules

II. Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.

III. If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.
C. Is you're buddy's sister.

However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.

IV. Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game. I lost approximately nine friends last October who felt the need to bust my balls when the Red Sox lost to the Devil's Bitches. Just leave it alone, it's kinder to pick on them for a dead relative.

V. You must never own a cat.

VI. If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:

1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them).
2. Your acquaintances.
3. Your co-workers.
4. The mailman.
5. The UPS guy.
6. NASA.
7. John Kerry.
....1,485,726. Your girlfriend.

VII. You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. (Mine are Dawson's Creek and Love, Actually). You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, we're already too late.

VIII. Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.

IX. If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.

X. There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.

XI. If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.

XII. Standard shotgun rules are as follows.

A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
B. Shotgun must be called outside.
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.

XIII. NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don't need to wear her like a ******* trophy.

XIV. It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."

XV. Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.

XVI. Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn't matter how ludicrous the other guy sounds telling you that David Trezeguet is better than Zinedine Zidane for International Duty, let him be.

XVII. When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.

XVIII. Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.

XIX. Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.

XX. Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my friends have become insufferable dicks since they've gone out with someone.

The list is huge and I do not have enough time to write them all therefore I have split it into parts which I will post soon.

Here is a must-see example of someone breaking the Bro Code as well as an insight into its history.

Best Break-up Lines

2009-08-19T07:14:00.006Z

There are always reasons to break up. I personally never need to break-up because I know that if I meet a girl, it'll be a one nighter therefore I'll never have to ring them at any point in time after our first encounter (which leads to sex..ooo yeh!). You see, to me a woman is like a car...Once you've had any experience in driving a particular model..you'll eventually get bored and you would want to trade it in for a newer and more awesome one and thus the cycle continues (you might find it harsh but life is tough, deal with it).

Here are some awesome break-up lines for all you guys who have found someone better than the one you're currently dating

“I have these spirit guides and as I drove home today they were telling me very strongly that we live too far apart and it’s never going to work.”

“Ideally, I would like to write my book, and once I finish I’ll give you an answer as to whether we will be together or not.”

“I know we’ve been together for a year, and I do love you, but your a damn Virgo and I’m a Scorpio, so we both know that Aries is much better for me.”

Below are some of my favourite break-up lines

“I need to see other women to prove to myself that my love for you is genuine.”

“She said that she was better for me than you, so I had no choice but to defend our love and prove her wrong… you should be thanking me for this.”

“You’re an investment with no return.”

“I think you love me more than I love you.”

So there you have it...I hope this post has been very informative to you, my comrades.

Mail Time For The Professor!

2009-08-15T14:15:00.010Z

Like Moses, the Dalai Lama, and Dr. Phil, I am often asked to impart my wisdom and advice on those who cannot or will not help themselves. Even though I can't improve myself -- hard to top awesome -- I can help others improve. It is for that reason that the E-Mail for Shiraz's Advice Service (E.S.A.S) has been created.

Dear Professor Shiraz,

My girlfriend has been nagging me to express my feelings more but she always does that at inconvenient times like when I'm customising my weapon classes on Call of Duty 4/5 or reading about up-coming video games. I'd love to tell her something so she'll stop nagging me, but I have no idea how to go about "sharing" my emotions.

Sincereley,

Joseph Donovan

----------------------

Joseph,

There are only three appropriate venues for expressing one's emotions. I call them the 3 D's: Dinner, During Sex, Deathbed.

DINNER: Your girlfriend wants you to express your feelings? Fine. Cover her hand with your own, look deep into her eyes, and tell her in a soft voice how you regret not ordering an appetizer. This action is international girl-speak for "I am revealing the secret depths of my soul," so it doesn't have to be about appetizers -- any honest feeling you have about the quality of food or service will have her eating out of your hand.

DURING SEX: One of the seemingly infinite benefits of sex is that there's so much activity, coordination and noise, you can get away with saying almost anything*. Thus, sex is the ideal time to honestly express doubts about your employability, gambling addiction, or even your long-term relationship potential.

DEATHBED: Since it's really tough to be mad at someone who is about to die, your deathbed is an excellent time to really go bananas with your feelings. Insecurities, infidelities, incisions...anything you've kept hidden over the years can be freely discussed with little fear of retribution. As an added bonus, some girls enjoy a sensitive side and become easily confused when faced with the grim certitude of death...play your cards right and you might be able to squeeze two in that deathbed before the buzzer goes off. (NOTE: For all the above reasons, feigning your own terminal illness and deathbed scenario can be a cathartic experience).

*Note: avoid at all costs mentioning how hot her sister is.

**Unless said sister is in bed with you. In that case, feel free to exaggerate a bit.

Best Quotes Part Un

2009-07-12T12:23:00.004Z

Whaaaa uuup

The most memorable quotes are those that inspire individuals to go on and do incredible things.

Here are some of the quotes that have moulded a certain person into the super-duper hunk that writes before you today.

"Video Games are bad for you? That's what they said about Rock 'N' Roll"

"I have no time for sex! Can't you see that I'm busy playing Call of Duty"

"If you build it, nerds will come"

"I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life"

"How did i fail women studies...I love bitches!"

"Don't worry, you can suck my d**k after class!"

"You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as a witch..I'll be the broom she rides all night long"

Well that's it for now but they'll be more to come.

Shiraz University (S.U.)

2009-07-11T10:05:00.010Z

I would just like to announce that due to me being awesome, an institution devoted to higher education has been established in my name. I am honoured and happy to announce that I will now be teaching the following course at the university. Details are shown below

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiraz_university

Official Website for the University is here

http://www.shirazu.ac.ir/en/index.php

OPEN ENROLLMENT -- COURSE ADDITION

SOS 216 – Studies of Girls in their Natural Habitats

Course Objective: For students to gain a greater knowledge and insight into the female species and their various breeds and types. Course will be hands on/pants off and focus specifically on Girl haunts such as Mardi Gras, Western Themed Bars, and Summer Holidays. At the end of the ten week session, students are expected to have thorough and exhaustive knowledge of female culture, language used (whether it is transmitted orally or physically), and mating rituals (known to many as the ancient art of S.E.X.).

Prerequisites: Students shall have successfully passed both IWM 105 (An Introduction To Women) and ADV BRST 235 (Differential Equations and Matrix Algebra of Breasts.) Enrolment is limited to final year undergraduates and post-graduate students only.

Professor: Yasin, S. - BA Hons Ancient History

Class Schedule:

Week 1: WHAT IS A FEMALE?
Women for centuries are said to wield a unique power that can cause any man to lose his focus. The lecture will provide the student with an overview of Femalus Normalus and their place in history, society, and mythology.
Special guest lecturer: 3-time Wet T-shirt champion Tara Collins.

Week 2: THE CALL OF THE FEMALE
Like a wolf’s howl or the sounds that the velociraptor makes in Jurassic Park (A terrific film by the way, Spielberg…you truly are a genius). The lecture will take an in-depth look at the mating call. In the laboratory, students will master both the tonal aspects and wavelength duration of a call. Later, during advanced fieldwork, students will attempt to infiltrate a pack of girls, observe them in their native environments and record and submit the phone numbers of any hot ones to the senior lecturer (me) for further inspections. Marks are awarded on the females’ level of hotness. Marks therefore acquired from practical count for 33% of final grade of module

Week 3: THE BEAD INDUSTRY
The symbiotic relationship between young, impressionable women and shiny round objects on strings as well as rings. We will examine both the micro and macro economics of girls and its impact on males.

Week 4: SUB-SPECIES OF THE FEMALE
Femalus Vegasus, Femalus PanamaCityus, and Femalus SouthPadreus. We will explore their differences and similarities as well as their journey from Daddy’s Little Girl to Daddy’s little whore and Bad Relationships. We will also look into how the Female’s Discovery of the phalus affects this evolution.

Week 5: MOVIE NIGHT
In what has traditionally been a popular lecture, students will analyze and deconstruct a collection of Girls Gone Wild DVD’s, Transformers (only the bits with Megan Fox), Striptease, and Showgirls. A 200 word Assignment will be required (50 words for each movie) and handed in by 3rd January 2010

Week 6: GIRLS AT THE WORKPLACE
An analysis of Girly professions. Lecture will focus through a historical lens, highlighting girls in the workplace from their early days as house wives and aviation hospitality experts to present day pharmaceutical sales and sexual relief specialists.

Week 7: FIELD TRIP TO MARDI GRAS
Students will observe the highest Holy Day of Females, in the Girliest City in the World.

Week 8: ORAL PRESENTATIONS
Students present theses prepared over this intensive two month course. Suggested topics include: The Seasons of The Femalus Normalus, The Origins of Femalus Normalus and Sub-Species, and The Role of the Femalus Normalus in Post-World War II. If you wish to write a topic of your own, please e-mail me your suggestions.

Required Reading:

-- Subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine
-- STA Summer Travel Guide ‘09
-- The Female Anatomy, 1991 ed.
-- The Bro Code
-- Playboy issues ranging from 2000-Present

Required Viewing:

-- Charlie’s Angels: The Complete First Season
-- Wild Things
-- One of the many numerous videos that can be found on adult sites…if you really want 70% or above (High I)..paying would lead you to a greater amount of knowledge.
-- MTV’s The Grind: Complete Series

Sexploration?!?

2007-12-18T23:52:00.000Z

In the early 1500s, an explorer by the name of Ferdinand Magellan set sail to become the first man to circumnavigate the globe. Ultimately, he failed miserably, ending up on the wrong end of a lethal arrow and most probably an uncomfortable bout with syphilis. However, Magellan’s voyage did provide important geographical information in the form of a plethora of maps and graphs, thus paving the way for future worldwide expansion. Five hundred years later, another man with similar intestinal fortitude stands before you, ready to share his extensive knowledge of the previously unknown. A man who also feels no nook should go uncharted, no cranny left uncultivated, and no crevice unexplored.

Yes, it is I, Shiraz, who carries the torch from the great explorers of yesteryear, providing these detailed maps and charts from my own extensive travels. Below are some sample maps of my latest expedition. We’ll call her Stacey.

1. Neckopotamia: Explorers often overlook this seemingly insignificant piece of real estate, but don’t be fooled. The region is a virtual treasure trove that, if mined correctly, could open the gateway to lucrative and more rewarding exploration further south.

2. East Hipsylvania: East Hipsylvania is essential to any worthwhile explorer because of its prime location just west of Shirazland, with a plentiful bounty of natural resources to boot. Surrounded by rolling hills and lush valleys, I found settlements there to be both thriving and prosperous.

The Crazy/Hot Scale.

2007-12-18T23:42:00.001Z

Shiraz's Blog...Blogdate 27637.

The theory of evolution alleges that humans evolved from monkeys. If we accept this “theory,” then we must also accept that over the course of millions of years, women have become more attractive, less hairy and infinitely crazier.

The problem is certain women’s increase in physical attractiveness has been disproportional to their increase in psychosis. Luckily for us, a chart exists where we can see just how out of balance the ratio between your hotness and craziness has become - knowledge that can prove to be invaluable over the course of your daily life.

Now, you know how hot you are. But you probably have no idea how crazy you are – a major contributing factor to the problem. That’s where the great Professor Shirazibus Einstein comes to the rescue. Be honest and rate your hotness from 1-10. Then, take the following simple quiz I’ve designed to see where you fall on the hot/crazy scale.

1. You’re walking down the street and see Matt Damon. You:

a: Gawk from afar and let him pass unbothered.
b: Run up to him and beg to have his babies.
c: Stab him with a pen.

2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:

a: Take a deep breath, count to ten, and do a random act of kindness.
b: Hold down your horn and scream obscenities.
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.

3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:

a: Call the fire department and wait for professional help.
b: Climb up and rescue it, then take it home to join the 125 other cats you currently care for.
c: Stab it with a tree branch.

4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:

a: Explain to him you’re just not compatible and offer to split the check.
b: Start a small fire in the ladies’ bathroom thus evacuating the restaurant and ending your date.
c: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.

5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:

a: Report it to human resources.
b: Go for it, then blackmail him for the rest of his natural life.
c: Stab him with his tie.

6. The barista screws up your double skim, half café, no sugar added caramel macchiato. You:

a: Drink whatever she gives you, so as to not create a scene.
b: Throw the scalding hot beverage into the barista’s face.
c: Stab her with a coffee cup.

7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:

a: Thank him for doing the Lord’s work and give generously.
b: Tar and feather him from your fifth floor balcony.
c: Stab him with his bell, then steal his bucket.

8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:

a: Happily show them around town taking extra special care of them.
b: Berate them for the measly 12 bucks they gave you on last year’s birthday.
c: Stab them with their dentures.

9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:

a: Locate the wallet’s owner and return it as found.
b: Steal the person’s identity and live as them.
c: Locate the wallet’s owner and stab them with their license.

10. Your boyfriend proposes. You:

a: Tearfully admit that you’re already married but not opposed to polygamy.
b: You say, “Honestly, we’ve had a lot of great times together but I just don’t see a future between us” thus breaking his heart… then you pick up the pieces of said broken heart, and stab him with it.
c: Say, “Yes, yes, a million times yes!”

To find your “Crazy” rating, give yourself 0 points for every A response, 1 point for every B, and 2 points for every C. Take that total and divide by two. You now have your crazy number.

Now, using your self-assigned hot number, find your position on the Ysin Hot/ Crazy scale. Remember, you want to find yourself located on the hot side, not the crazy side. If the results are not to your liking, please adjust your appearance or personality accordingly.

Irashaimasu (Welcome)

2007-05-11T08:25:00.000Z

Hello and Welcome to my first blog post.

Although i can't really call this my first blog post as i have nothing to discuss at this point of time however stay tuned as i may post something up later.

Until next time!

Peace